Thought I would share some thoughts.The item on my mind is a bit lengthy for the average communication, so I thought I will just blog about it.
At Katy's gymnastics lesson today I made a friend, and we talked about a great many of things. One thing she said was this, "wow that is crazy you're homeschooling....(followed by)...I just couldn't do it, my child and I just butt heads." I wasn't sure how to respond, so I said the usual, well she was ready for Kindergarten last year, but her birthday...blah blah blah. I kept it pretty short, cause if I responded with all my thoughts, I was worried it would probably be the last time we talked. So today with much thought I want to share my deep, deep feelings with y'all. I know this won't be the last question of my motherly sanity, or the future comments that will question what I ultimately don't feel is detrimental parenting. Am I sheltering, am I not letting go, am I insane...all of those questions have actually crossed my own mind.
Making people feel guilty they don't home school is never my intention. I don't need an explanation of why people put their kids in a school system. Just so you know.What works for one, might not work for another, this is actually the huge point I am trying to make.
We have to overcome a common mis-conception that has caused slavery, holocausts, wars, and all that other mind boggling history and the history we are creating. For the religious parties. Aren't we suppose to become just like God? Ultimately isn't that what religious people strive to be just like, Heavenly Father and Jesus. If so aren't we suppose to lose ourselves to become just like Him. If so what is the case for individuality? I don't believe, and this is to my very core, that God intends us to become clones of Him...otherwise why didn't He create just that. God has created diversity on purpose, so it must be like Him to be a creator and lover of diversity. For the un-religious parties. One such as myself would think that even if a person did not believe in God, that they would see the existence of diversity around them as a good thing. I love to see different flowers, how bout you? But instead of believing this, most of the human race chooses not to believe in diversity, we try to change, try to be like so and so, look upon differences as intolerable, all try to look like models...and so on. Instead of honoring Gods creation of ourselves and valuing our existence and purpose, we struggle to except ourselves and change whatever is wrong with us or others that are unchangeable for acceptance. Welcome to the world child, you are going to have to learn to not be yourself. The loss of self leads to loss of direction/purpose, which leads to loss of happiness. Doesn't sound like Gods side at all, that is Satan's plan for us!
I didn't always believe in individuality. Beware if you hate psychology, you might want to take some medication to get through this. The first few years of my life I was happy go lucky and pretty sure about myself, super excited to go to school. School started and this is when I started to learn a very interesting diversity lesson. On the school bus my siblings and I were made fun of everyday because we were "different." Some of my siblings learned to cope by figuring out what was needed to fit in, in other words end the bullying by being cool. Some of my siblings however believed what the other kids said about them. I saw one sister that I admired, and never thought was anything but awesome, begin to believe she wasn't worth anything because she couldn't change to be accepted, which led to an attempt to take her life and emotional issues that I believed continued through her teenage life. It isn't just kids who have the wrong idea about individuality and diversity and who can really blame them anyway, we are all learning. My husband peed his pants in kindergarten class several times because his bladder was too small and he only got X amount of bathroom breaks. It was very embarrassing for him. Very tolerant teacher. These kids grow up still treating people bad, and teach it indirectly or directly! Welcome to the system.
Some kids thrive at school and they love it! They figure out easily how to fit into the system. I had mostly great teachers, and I did love school most of the time! But that doesn't change the fact that I learned and kept learning that who I was needed to change to be liked, even in my family for some instances. Sociological change is mostly good, we have to learn at some point that hitting people because we don't like something is just not ok to do. Although I remember that polca-dot overall shorts and knowing all the words to "I'm too Sexy for My ..." was a good indicator that you were a great person and everyone should like you. That is what happens when you get a group of kids together with no direction as what is acceptable social behavior. As I got older this continued! You wear No-Fear, Baggy Pants, Tie-Dye, Adidas, North Face......and did your hair like this, and looked just like this, and got these grades, and knew how to do this, and drove this car, and THEN you were socially acceptable. I coped pretty well actually, do to my awesome good looks (laughing right now), but honestly if I hadn't been so lucky as to have the popular facial, skin and bone structure, I would totally have been unworthy of any attention. I did have a few awesome close friends that were pretty nonjudgmental, so that was a blessing too.
I have made it a goal to teach my children that they can be themselves, wear what fits their personality, like the music they like, enjoy the activities that the like, that they are and will always be beautiful despite the current fad, and the differences with their peers is normal and something to celebrate. Something the system and even some parents just can't seem to teach. I am not in the business of teaching my kids to be accepted, I am here to teach them to accept themselves. I can only imagine what great friends and examples my kids will be because of this.
Parent responsibility. Whenever you get kids together, they are learning to interact with each other, how to cope with their surroundings, and learn at the same time. It is not only a time for lessons in subjects such as math and English, this is a huge time for lessons in appropriate and healthy social behaviors. Most teachers do their best to reinforce good social behaviors. However with the student to teacher ratios, behaviors go unseen, uncorrected, and unenforced. It has become more and more impossible, especially with the lack of direction in the homes, for teachers to compensate for untaught social behavior. The school "system" tries to work a social curriculum into school, and mostly teach great things....like when a kid has 2 moms, that's ok. How about we leave out the confusing lesson and just say, it is not ok to treat people bad for ANY reason. It is my responsibility to make sure my child is in a positive learning environment for 35 hours a week! That I notice mis-behaviors and correct them promptly. It is my responsibility when I hand my kids over to someone else, whether it is a babysitter, school, church...whatever, that my kids are, mostly happy, learning good things, and feels safe. Don't get confused responsible does not = controlling. I can't control everything, but I can act responsible.
So what. It is good for them. They need to learn to cope with mean people and problems right? Ya, I believe they do...and they have plenty of opportunities to learn to cope in the real world. However I want my kids to see themselves and their world accurately. What they are being told by peers and teachers, becomes a part of their individual and world view at this time I call the "tender years" the years that are basically their first impressions of the world and just what if, that is more negative than positive? I don't like a constant negative environment, do you? Kids don't thrive in negatives environment, if you want a kid to learn to cope, or learn how to deal with their problems, you take them out of the negative, and create a positive learning environment, and teach.
Here is an example of one negative instance, so small, yet in the tender years can be sooo massive: A few months ago I witnessed a parent tell a child who loves art and told their parent excitedly that they wanted to grow up to be an artist. The parent responded with "you should probably do that as a side job, artists don't make very much money." Are you kidding me! Such an inaccurate and debilitating statement, that is how that parent saw the world...artists are poor. Why does a child need to be told that, shot down from a dream, and why would a parent believe it is true?! Artists are movie makers, graphic designers, clothing designers, entertainers, architects, drafters...artists make up a good portion of our world and make a lot of money. What if that was my child who wanted to be something, who was told that she shouldn't, and I never new, and it changed her desire to be who she really is? Why do we stuff so much negative into our children's minds, and then expect them to remain positive and happy? Why can't we all just let our kids be who they are, even if they grow up to be unacceptable, to who? I am pretty sure God wants us to do what we love to do and use the gifts he has given us, not just Doctors, Lawyers, and Dentists. Why do some people try to change a shy kid into an extrovert, or hyperactive kids into ones that sit still, or force upon them athletic activities because we as parents enjoy them??? I have had to literally rip myself away from such negativity to amount to something.
The limit culture and freedom. We have created a culture that is restricted. From restricted learning to restricting life goals and passions, all the way to restricting freedom from our children. I was told not to get too far ahead in my childs education or she would get bored the next year. Lets think about government involvement on education. Has all the involvement been more restricting or liberating? What is the government purpose- to keep freedom. What a child has to learn and know, how it is applied in the classroom has all been restricted by government, all in the lie of bettering the opportunities for our children. Liberation is what causes more opportunities! Think of our Fore-Fathers, they stood for Liberty and even warned against said government policy over stepping their boundaries. This is not the end of boundaries being broken by government, and we are allowing it! We do this when we accept the government handouts. By accepting we are supporting. If we don't believe in something we should not support it! As a home-school mom I take back my rights, my right to teach my kids, and I give my child back the liberty to learn and grow freely. When we open up a childs view to limitless possibilities, it is then that they take what is impossible and make it possible!
I don't just want my kids to grow up and know how to treat each other, I want them to know who they are and what God sent them here to do!
"What you see, is what you get," and that means more than leftover cheesecake. We all see the world differently, so to come up with an "accurate" is impossible. However a kid who watches violence all the time, is filling their mind with violence, whether it is real or not, doesn't matter, the world is being made in their mind. A kid who plays video games all day, is in a whole different world most of the time. If they are insulted daily, that becomes part of what they view of themselves. If during P.E. they are listening to Madona's touch me song and coming home to watch pregnant girls at school be the coolest girls...it just might be catchy enough to stick in their brain. So showing them what is real, true, good, and positive is important to a healthy development of their world view. Then when violence or degradation comes, and it will, they will be able to cope by having a strong self-worth and a healthy dose of reality.
So am I sheltering. You bet. I am. Sheltering them from the system. And instead of thinking that this will negatively effect children by taking them out of something negative, I want the world to know how important positive is in the healthy development of the future generations.
It is getting a bit ridiculous. Kids need to learn how to balance their lives to remain healthy physically, mentally, spiritually, and socially. I don't want my kids doing homework when they have been at school for what I believe is almost an adult work week!!! My kid can only miss x amount of days, sick or vacation, and if they go over consequences occur, some of them so stupid, like dropping them out of school, all in the name of education. Kids sometimes aren't even allowed to have health problems, snow days, or visit family! What we expect out of children is sometimes far more than what we expect from ourselves. This is not teaching a balanced life! For a kindergartner who gets only one 30 min. recess and that can be taken for any reason from them, is not a healthy environment for kindergartners. Balance is lost in the system.
I loved to do it all, which included sports, art, music, working, and getting good grades. As soon as it gets overwhelming, you want to quit, you despise it, and something begins to suffer. Quitting is something that affects your future, period. What if we could teach kids how to balance their life, provide opportunities for kids-even beyond what exists from the system, without overwhelming our children, and still leave room for down time? Homeschooling.
On the other end of the spectrum. Kids who have too much down time and lack of motivation, start filling it with things that are bad. Have you ever wondered who has the time to create a computer virus, or blow up mailboxes, or smoke weed all day or play video games so much to actually make it to the end reward...um, I know who does. People without responsibilities! I have so many responsibilities as a wife, mother, and teacher that I look for down time opportunities and I bless them. If the word bored is ever used in my home, there is something seriously wrong with how I am handling my responsibilities as such wife, mother, and teacher. So let me be frank. My kids are at home learning how to be responsible and take care of their own needs. Taking care of themselves, helping the family, playing, and learning is busy. Isn't that basically what a parent is suppose to do, but how many kids leave home not knowing how to do their own laundry! Because I home-school I have the time to teach my kids how to scramble their own eggs in the morning, we have time for morning chores before school starts, they mop, clean windows, separate laundry, water plants, feed animals, while the other kids in the system teach their students how to stand in line and sit criss-cross applesauce and the parents have to do all the work at home just to keep up. These lessons can be taught to kids in the system, however finding time to do so is hard, especially when kids are always in a hurry. Hurry and the job done right, don't really jive together.
Grades are stupid. If you don't understand what is taught, you get a bad grade and you have to move on to the next lesson? My goodness if all teachers instead of handing out C's, D's, and F's said you guys must complete this homework or test to an A before you can move to the next lesson, we would just have the system in a frenzy! What if we just closed the book and tried a different learning approach for a student who just didn't get it! Oh my gosh! But it would actually not leave kids behind- no children left behind act! Instead of Creating a Common Core that is so rigid and limiting, why can't we allow freedom to teach to a child pace, learning style, and interests. My kids are taught to their individual learning style and pace and they will have all "As" for learning, cause that is the purpose of school, is it not?
Kids will take back their right to choose when they quit learning. Cause learning is their choice.
That my friends and family is why I home-school.
